Would It Kill You to Say Thanks?

I help you, you thank me, and the world goes around. Unless you ignore me, and then we have a problem.

A friend wanted to sell his home. He asked me to recommend a real-estate agent. I did. He called her and mentioned my name. A week later, his house was on the market.

In a hot suburban area, there were multiple bidders. The house sold in a day—for well over the asking price. After her agency got its cut, the agent I’d recommended cleared a $50,000 commission. 

My friend sold his house. The agent got her commission. But let’s not forget about the guy who made it all happen. Did the agent take me to lunch? Drop off a bottle of boutique bourbon? Ship me a Smithfield ham? Donate some money to a favorite charity in my name? Thank me?

Nothing. Not a word. And no mention of the referral when I saw her at the farmers’ market a few weeks after the sale.

Who are you people? Who raised you? Were you brought up or dragged up? Excuse me while I delete your contact info from all my devices.

I’m happy to help people, and I certainly don’t expect anything except the basic human courtesies. Not everything is transactional, unless “thank you” can be considered a new form of currency. When so few houses come on the market, why not encourage your friend network to think of you? (And soon. Especially after a new ruling in Missouri has cast doubt on the legality of some commissions. The Department of Justice is also interested.)

But I will now go out of my way to recommend another agent who is both grateful and gracious and doesn’t make me feel as if I’m a pesky underling serving a haughty overlord—one who expects everything but gives nothing in return.

When someone gives you something, you say thanks. When someone goes out of his way to give you something, you say thank you very much. Those are just the rules.